Catalogue of Anti-Catholic Steve "Whopper" Hays' Endless, Mindless Personal Insults

What a waste of brain power. This is largely what this guy spends his time doing online, when it comes to dealing with Catholicism. See how impressive you think it is.

[* = combox statement / bolded entries are post titles]

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Is Armstrong ignorant, or just dishonest? (4-20-04)

In a sense, then, Armstrong and his cobelligerents have never really converted to Catholicism at all. Instead, they've founded their own little private Victorian Catholic cult, with Newman, Knox, Belloc, Chesterton, and Tolkien as their patron saints--whereas the real Roman Catholicism is represented by the likes of Rahner and Raymond Brown. Theirs is not official Catholicism, but a treehouse for child actors. This is Oreo cookie Catholicism--Popish on the outside, but schismatic on the inside. (7-19-04)

Armstrong's cafeteria Catholicism (4-10-05)

. . . whenever Armstrong gets into a dogfight he can't win, he pushes the little red button on his ejector seat labeled “anti-Catholic,” and parachutes out of his flaming, nose-diving plane. . . . In other words, unless I already agree with everything he believes in, he will not talk to me. . . . For the record, I believe the RCC to be an apostate church. The Council of Trent marks the irreformable repudiation of the gospel of grace, while Vatican II marks the official triumph of modernism. . . . the Disneyfied version of a quaint old popularizer like Frank Sheed or a cafeteria Catholic like Armstrong. (4-11-05)

He has converted, not to a church, but to a museum-of which he is the self-anointed Curator. (4-12-05)

He has clearly picked up a lot of scar tissue over the years, and like a bad divorce, he brings all this old baggage with him into the next encounter. . . . Then there's the matter of his “resolution.” He uses this as his favorite escape hatch to evade a substantive discussion. But any reasonable person can see that this is a viciously circular appeal. He begins with a self-serving and self-imposed resolution. In addition, his resolution is predicated on a self-serving classification of his opponents. He has debarred himself from debating with “anti-Catholics.” And who is an “anti-Catholic”? Anyone he doesn't want to debate with, that's who! (4-14-05)

I have never said or insinuated that I know more about Catholicism than Armstrong or Hahn or Keating. . . . All I ever hear back from Armstrong are empty, angry denials. . . . Armstrong's attempt to vindicate his case by pulling rank (even though he holds no rank) is like a suicide bomber who can only kill off his opponent by detonating himself in the process. (4-14-05)

There are "Evangelicals" who convert to Catholicism, or contemplate such a move, because they are taken in by the kind of gauzy, soft-focus, pastel-tinted, Brideshead Revisited version of Catholic nostalgia advertised by Armstrong and other starstruck converts to Rome. . . . The RCC has become the world's largest liberal denomination. (4-14-05)

For Armstrong to shuffle this off into a logical game, and a fallacious game at that, in order to underwrite a highly elastic and self-important “resolution,” is intellectually, morally, and spiritually frivolous in the extreme. (4-30-05)

Randy, like Hahn and Armstrong and other conservative converts to Rome, is trying to carve out a little niche within the church. Theirs is a church within the church. This is not Roman Catholicism, but an inner schism--a homegrown chapel within the Church of Rome. (5-12-05)

. . . whenever Armstrong is beaten at his own game, he changes the rules or moves the goal-post. (6-11-05)

. . . I confess that I'm quite unable to tell when you're illustrating absurdity by being absurd, and when you're illustrating absurdity by being serious since all of your arguments are equally absurd, whether or not your being serious or intentionally absurd. (6-13-05*)

. . . Setting aside your puerile hyperbole and crybaby rhetoric . . . (6-15-05*)

Armstrong’s tragedy queen histrionics. (6-29-05)

The unbearable lightness of being Dave (7-4-05)

At this rate it doesn’t look like Dave is still a communicant member of the Catholic church. Somewhere along the line he left the Church of Rome and started the Church of Dave. I guess that Dave has gotten bored with Catholicism. That’s understandable. As a recent convert to the faith, everything was fresh and new. There was a lot to talk about, a lot to explore and discover. But after 15 years or so, like a marriage gone stale, the bloom is off the rose. Still, he makes his living as an author and a blogger, so he has to say something even when he has nothing to say—which is why we end up with reams and reams of material like the diary of an adolescent in the throes of teenage angst—they love me, they love me not…they love me, they love me not. . . . we learn about Dave; and how Dave is defending Dave against Dave’s detractors; and how Dave’s defenders are defending Dave against Dave’s detractors; and how Dave is praising Dave’s defenders for defending Dave against Dave’s detractors. . . . Another diagnosis is that Mr. Armstrong is suffering from an acute and apparently incurable case of the Snow White Syndrome—an obsessive-compulsive disorder whose chief symptom is an inordinate amount of time spent in front of the boudoir mirror. (7-4-05)

I seem to have hit a sore nerve with dear old Dave. Actually, it would be hard to miss since he seems to be a bundle of nerves. . . . Humility is his middle name. . . . Dave, on the other hand, goes on and on and on with these poor-little-me-centered tearjerkers and three-hankies. And I simply thought it was worth noting that a guy who runs the third-rated—or is it third-rate?—Catholic apologetics blog spends so much of his time commending and defending himself instead of commending and defending his church. If he really thinks that everyone should convert to Catholicism, couldn’t he at least give his own church top-billing? . . . his overweening vanity . . . (7-4-05)

. . . I have addressed Dave on more substantive issues, but he chooses to evade direct discussion of the more substantive issues. And I notice that you do exactly the same thing. Trivial people don't deserve to be taken seriously. If at some future point you would like to get serious, I'd be happy to reciprocate. But, for now, I'm pitching my response at your own chosen level of discourse. (7-7-05*)

. . . he's rewarded for his courtesy by Dave's silent treatment and abuse from Dave's adoring groupies. That tells you right then and there how phony all this whiny, high-pitched moral indignation is. . . . he keeps wrapping himself round and round in a sticky web of his own ever-tighter and ever-thicker cocoon of self-denial. (7-8-05*)

And this is a familiar ploy on your part. You like to take offense because that gives you an excuse to duck the real issues. So you put your personal spin on what "anti-Catholics" say about you, then appeal, not to what they actually said, but to your hyperbolic paraphrase, to justify evading a substantive engagement of the issues. (7-9-05*)

Dave Armstrong’s another tragically misunderstood individual. Just lately his fellow Romo-bloggers have been beatin’ on him somethin’ terrible. Yes, Dave is the Grand Mufti of Martyrdom. (9-14-05)

But so that dear old Dave won’t go home empty-handed, I hereby confer upon him the honorary fruitcake award as the consolation prize--and since I honestly can’t think of anyone more deserving, I’ll make this the honorary lifetime fruitcake award. (9-24-05)

Dave's functional definition of "anti-Catholic" is any Evangelical he doesn't want to debate. (9-26-05*)

As usual, Dave has his pants on backwards. As the public record will show, what Vestrup and I have repeatedly done is to attack Armstrong not because he represents the church of Rome, but because he misrepresents the church of Rome. Dave’s prettified and petrified version of Roman Catholicism is a cosmetic simulacrum which paints over the real institution. . . . Finally, there’s the matter of Armstrong fingering the wrong man for the high crime of a hoaxing his incurable egomania. . . . if you really do suffer from a Narcissus-complex, then other people—many other people—will see you for what you are. . . . unwitting and damning evidence of his monumental self-obsession. (11-28-05)

Pinocchio Armstrong (12-1-05)

Instead, we have this self-anointed shepherd of the Catholic flock. Thanks, Dave, for reminding us of how little faith you have in the hierarchy. Thanks for taking it upon yourself to out-Pope the Pope. It's a high and lowly destiny, but somebody's got to do it, and if Benedict XVI isn't up to the task, we should be eternally grateful that we have His Holiness, Davey Armstrong, to step into the breach. (2-19-06)

To judge by his conversion story, he had a rather brief and superficial experience with Evangelicalism—reading popularizers and attending emotive, anti-intellectual churches. . . . transition from a shallow brand of Evangelicalism . . . (9-9-06)

So guys like Dave Armstrong and Scott Hahn present an artificially Evangelicalized version of Roman Catholicism. (9-14-06)

Dave belongs to a denomination which is the world leader in clerical pederasty. . . . Dave, you’re such a fund of unwitting comedy that it would be a crime to let so much raw material go to waste. I'm just attempting to be a responsible citizen in the stewardship of natural comedic resources. . . . Like many converts to Rome, Dave is more Catholic than the Pope. (1-6-07)

Another example of Armstrong’s moral blindness. (1-8-07*)

Dave subscribes to the liberal, evolutionary view of Bible history. For Dave, Bible history is not the record of God’s revelation to man, but the record of man’s groping in the darkness from animism to polytheism to ethical monotheism to Trinitarianism, and—to carry the story down to our own times—to process theology and secular humanism. Wellhausen, Durkheim, and Freud would be proud of Armstrong’s analysis. . . . hat we see in Armstrong’s explanation is the apotheosis of Mary into goddess with divine attributes. . . . Armstrong is reading the text as if he were Rosemary Reuter, with Mary as a pioneer of women’s lib. But his exercise in feminist theology, while very postmodern, is quite anachronistic. . . . Armstrong is foolish enough to think many things. That’s why he’s a Romanist. (7-9-07)

When is Armstrong going to set up a Dial-a-Dave hotline so that he can function in his self-appointed capacity as the e-Father at Large? When is he going to erect his own Tower of Power, just like ORU, where Catholics around the world can turn to their e-Father ad litem for pastoral counseling. (1-14-08)

How is Dave any different from a storefront preacher or a backwoods preacher who “received the call"? Dave set up shop and hung out a shingle. (1-15-08*)

I wouldn’t ordinarily be bothered with Dave Armstrong’s trifles. . . . (5-19-08)

Internet popes like Karl Keating and Dave Armstrong. These are Catholics who don’t’ even study Catholic scholarship. Part of the problem is that a lot of Catholic laymen aren’t intellectuals. So they don’t read serious historical or exegetical literature. They only read popularizers. Or watch EWTN. (8-24-08)

Armstrong is simply exposing the rift between mainstream Catholics like Brown and reactionary hacks like…well…like Armstrong. As I’ve said before, Armstrong, like so many evangelical converts to Catholicism, is to the right of his adopted denomination. The irony is acute–which is why he’s so touchy on the subject. (4-3-09)

I used to think that Dave Armstrong was just a jerk. Not deeply evil. Just a jerk. In that respect he was easy to make light of. . . . He isn’t just a narcissistic little jerk. He’s actually evil. It’s not something we can spoof or satirize anymore. He’s crossed a line of no return. (4-13-09)

The martyrdom of Dave Armstrong, R.I.P. (4-16-09)

. . . in his irrepressible egotism, he turns this into a dastardly deed of personal betrayal. So it’s no longer about loyalty to the truth of God; rather, it’s about loyalty to the person of dear old Dave. His response is laden with bitter envy and resentment. Given his deep-seated suspicions, I’d advise dear old Dave to take some elementary precautions. He should begin wearing a suit of armor so that he can shield himself from all of the two-faced friends turned foes who lie in wait around every corner to stab him in the back. I trust that he already inspects the closet and checks under the bed before turning out the light. Even then it must be hard to fall asleep as he contemplates all the treasonous “friends” who are plotting against him. . . . he should hire a private eye to do background checks on his butcher, baker, and grocer. As an added precaution, he should also retain the services of a food taster just in case the cashier swaps out the good mushrooms for bad mushrooms while Armstrong is momentarily distracted by a staged diversion. When you’re as monumentally important as dear old Dave, you can never be too careful. Danger lurks where you least suspect it. Never let your guard down! (4-16-09)

Armstrong’s position bears a startling resemblance to the attitude of Cardinal Law. As long as a predatory priest confesses his sin, then he receives absolution, and he can continue to work with young people. . . . But you can tell from Armstrong’s attitude that if he were the Cardinal Archbishop of Boston, he’d do exactly what Bernard Law was doing. And that’s because he shares the same twisted mindset. As long as a predatory priest fesses up in the privacy of the confessional, then it’s time to forgive and forget. At most we reassign him to another parish. He may be a repeat offender, but he’s been forgiven. (4-25-09)

So, by analogy with sexually abusive Catholic clergy–and, remember, this is Armstrong’s own analogy–a Catholic priest who seduces minors should be allowed to keep him job as long as he’s penitent about his crimes. It’s not my fault if Armstrong’s circuitry is too crisscrossed to think straight. But that’s the clear implication of his argument from analogy. . . . If, according to Armstrong, confession and absolution is sufficient to rehabilitate the reputation of a child molester, then why not return him to active duty? It’s not as if he has a reputation for pedophilia. For, according to Armstrong, confession and absolution rehabilitate his tarnished image in the eyes of God. So, then, why wouldn’t you allow a pedophile to minister to kids if his reputation is intact? (4-27-09)

. . . if you do a spot-on impersonation of someone who’s hypersensitive, paranoid, an ego-maniac, narcissistic, with a martyr and persecution complex, then how are we supposed to tell the difference between the person and the impersonation? The make-up, inflection, &c, is just uncanny. . . . For that matter, have you ever encountered a self-obsessive individual who admits to being a self-obsessive individual? Don’t we expect a self-obsessive individual to deny how self-obsessive he is? A self-obsessive individual spends endless amounts of time talking about how he’s not a self-obsessive individual, which, of course, is just another way of talking about himself–over and over again. Does that ring a bell? Sound like anyone you know? . . . Not only is Dave an idolater, but a self-idolater. He has sculpted an idol in his own, precious image. A singular, autobiographical personality cult. (7-16-09)

You have to wonder what Armstrong would do with himself in heaven. I don’t think heaven is big enough for God Almighty and David Armstrong. If Armstrong ever gets to heaven, he’ll have to evict the Lord to make room for himself. Dave is his very own religion. Both subject and object. He carries around a mental icon of his adorable self-image. Lights imaginary candles to his self-image. Burns imaginary incense to his self-image. This overweening self-importance isn’t limited to Armstrong. In my observation, it’s fairly characteristic of Catholic converts who become pop apologists. (7-16-09)

Apparitions of Uncle Dave and Antidave tend to pop up in grilled-cheese sandwiches at A & W restaurants along Route 66. (7-16-09*)

Entire Posts Devoted to Sheer Mockery

The Ramtha Romanist (8-21-05)

Another open letter to Dave Armstrong (9-13-06)

The Radical Baptist Supremacy (3-7-07)

Uncle Davey's Preowned Lemons (6-8-08)

Anti-Catholics, &c. (8-15-08)

"The Game" (4-16-09)

Spies R Us (4-16-09)

Shopping for concrete galoshes (4-19-09)

Schrödinger's cat-holicism (7-15-09)

High School Musical. Starring Dave Armstrong. Costarring Dave Armstrong. With special guest star: Dave Armstrong (7-16-09)

The cult of St. Dave (7-16-09)