Friday, August 12, 2005

A Day in the Life of an Anti-Catholic: Steve "Whopper" Hays

Check out this wonderfully insightful, charitable comment, made by Steve Hays on "Pedantic Protestant's" blog, on 8-12-05:

Perhaps we've been wrong about this. Perhaps we should cut dear old Dave a little slack. After all, it's a high and lonely calling to be Dave Armstrong. Yes, the importance of being Dave. Imagine the sheer weight of responsibility--of living up to such exalted expectations. This is not a job everyone can do. Not just any Joe Six Pack can be Dave Armstrong. The job qualifications are just too daunting. So, by process of elimination, there is only one individual with the unique combination of unique abilities to aspire to the awesome and lonesome vocation of Davedom.

But remember, as he once explained to me on my own blog, that he's doing it for us, you know--for all the little people who would be like lost and straying sheep without the guidance of this sage and selfless shepherd. St. Dave, pray for us now, and at the hour of our death!

Does anyone still wonder why I have neither time nor patience any longer to try to seriously dialogue with people who express themselves in such an idiotic fashion? Yet Steve expects me to dialogue with him and to take him seriously. He's ticked off because of my policy of ceasing attempts at dialogue with anti-Catholics (oops! I forgot: there is no such category: only "anti-Protestants," as James White has once again reiterated on his blog. Sorry for the slip).

Since he's in that category, this policy includes (or should I say, excludes) him. I can't help it if he takes it personally and so has to lash out in a juvenile manner. That's his problem. He chose to be an anti-Catholic Protestant, which is his perfect right, and I chose to no longer try to dialogue with those holding a position which I consider ridiculous, self-defeating, utterly incoherent and indefensible, and intellectual suicide, which is my perfect right, especially given all the different topics I write about, and the usual time constraints (an 80-hour work week, a wife and four young children, etc.).

In any event, I haven't been able as of yet, to refrain from the urge of responding to such tripe with humor, so here I go again (heaven help me!):

A Day in the Life
(original lyrics by Lennon and McCartney, 1967)

I read the blogs today oh, boy
About the lying men who made the grade
And though the lies were rather sad
Well I just had to laugh
I saw the polygraph*

He blew his mind out; how bizarre!
He didn’t notice that the truth had changed
A crowd of groupies stood and stared
They’d heard his lies before,
Nobody was sure if he was from the house of the Lord.

I saw some bilge today oh, boy
The anti-Catholics had just lost the war
A crowd of papists turned away
But I just had to look
Having read White's book,
I’d love to turn your hearts...

--- The Hallucination ---
Woke up, got born again,
Ripped a Rosary to shreds
Found my way downstairs and read Steve Hays,
And looking up I knew that I was saved.

Found Bishop White and joined his chat
Started lyin' in seconds flat
Found my way back home to incense smoke,
Steve Hays spoke and he went into a scream

"Ah poor St. Dave, poor St. Dave, dear Old Dave.
We must get him saved, get him saved, get him saved."
I read the lies today oh boy
Four thousand holes in Steve Hays' reasoning
And though his facts were rather small
He tried to count them all,
Now they know how many lies it takes to make the papists fall.
I’d love to turn your hearts...

* Lie detector machine

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